07 / 07 / 19 11:48 PM

today's motivation: desire, purpose, destiny

i'm lonesome, am i? i think i accept it, or do i desire it? it's an embarrassing feeling when you always have to start the conversations, but expected when your personality revolves around the "do the disturb" status on your profile. i'm very thankful for my two friends i can think of that message me first on a daily basis, i feel important. anxiety is weird. generalized and social, but as i grow out of it i forget of it's existance until the day comes of a new relationship. i talk to the same people, but in eras, as when i have my "episodes" i exile the majority. is that a bad thing? i think not, as i desire true friendship. i have very few i hold onto, as i relate to very few. many will have problems with me, and i see it before they can, so why continue? it seems my purpose is to bring joy and therapy to the few i love, as i struggle to see another purpose. is that sad? i think not, but my recent failures to complete those objectives have left me thinking. what am i doing? what else can i do? is my destiny being over-extended?